I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
