Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
