I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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