you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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