i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
