Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When did angry sex become our thing?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
