We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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