I'm passing your future prison.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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