How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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