i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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