If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
