So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize