i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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