She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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