is your mom at the bar?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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