He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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