Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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