Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
