I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
