Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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