That's intense
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
