I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
worst night to have a conscience
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
