I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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