Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
