you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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