Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
