I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
