i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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