i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
