I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
