you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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