we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
