don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
