a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
