My friends, they love my intelligence
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
