He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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