Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
