Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
