i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
