And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
