That's when you crack a 10am beer
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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