Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
