a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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