I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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