someone threw a dead crab at me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
