Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize