I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Text me some of your sweat
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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