Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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