R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
