why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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