So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
