WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
