I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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