I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize