and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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