Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
