Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
