so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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