I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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