maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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