She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will pee on everything he values.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize