oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
