And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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