just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
