If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I understand Curling. That high.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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