I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
