oh god the rape fog is back!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone came in the potted fern
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
