Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
