I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize