the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize