im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize