I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
