Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And then my night got REAL pukey
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
