she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
