Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
