my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize