You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
