Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
