and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
