Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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