glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
