What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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