you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
