5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
