I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
