I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
