Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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