she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
