I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
