Me. At least after what I've been through.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
