Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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