I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
