I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
