I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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