I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
