Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need moral support for this bender
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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