You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
