it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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