someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
