So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
