We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
