This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
