we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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