i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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