Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
