I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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